My Testimony

If there were such a thing as a "second conversion," this would sum up mine:

Too many Christians practice the disciplines of the Christian life with the intention of turning God's face toward them and inclining his heart to favor them. They forget that God has loved them with an eternal and infinite love. He turned his face from our sin when he placed that sin on his dying Son, but now he never looks away from us and his heart never ebbs in affection for us. Every act of providence is for our eternal good and flows from his infinite love. Communing with God in prayer, understanding his ways through his Word, and embracing his glory and goodness through Christian fellowship and worship are means by which enabling grace fills our lives. These disciplines of grace are nourishments of the faith that we need in order to act in accord with God's purposes. They do not force or leverage God's hand but enable us to see it, grasp it, and receive the blessings it provides. The Christian disciplines do not earn blessings but guide us into the paths where God's grace has planted his blessings.

In grace-based preaching, the rules do not change; the reasons do. We serve God because we love him, not in order to make him love us. . . .He releases us from the performance treadmill that (falsely) promises to provide holiness through human effort, but the effect on the heart is love that is more constrained to please him.

(Christ-Centered Worship<, by Bryan Chapell. pgs. 248, 242)

Dancing Metaphors

Some challenges are insurmountable, however grand our intentions. Whoever said "Put your best foot forward" didn't have two left feet.

"For I know that nothing good dwell sin me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18)

It is such a mercy to fall on the grace of Christ. It is sufficient.

I Like This Thought

Doug Wilson has a post up about Lent--or, rather, about fasting in general, but in the context of the upcoming Lenten season. He helpfully defines a proper fast as "foregoing pleasure to make room for joy."

Musing

Yesterday, Carolyn woke up on the wrong side of the crib and was quite the fussy, clingy, needy girl for a couple hours. She spent a good bit of time with her arms wrapped tightly about my neck, head on my shoulder.

Now, of course I don't want my daughter to be fussy or sad or sick or hurt or otherwise unhappy. But, when she is, I can't help finding the abundance of lingering hugs very sweet indeed.

And it made me think. . .

Of course God doesn't want his children to be tried and tempted in various unpleasant manners. But, perhaps, he sees the abundance of our prayers during those times the way I see Carolyn's attachment to me.

On Parental Authority

I've been reading Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp, and I thought I would share this quote.

As a parent, you have authority because God calls you to be an authority in your child's life. You have the authority to act on behalf of God. As a father or mother, you do not exercise rule over your jurisdiction, but over God's. You act at His command. You discharge a duty that He has given. You may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you, but as pleases Him.

An Object Lesson

Carolyn gives me a thousand little lessons a day. Today, I was watching her stack blocks. She's just learning how to stack them, and they immediately topple more often than not. They topple because she doesn't just set a block gently atop another. She places it dead-on center, but then she pushes down just as hard as she can. . .to make it stay, I presume. Usually, the release of all her little force is enough to make the tower wobble and fall down.

We do this. When we want something so bad, we often apply all our force to making it happen. . .only to push too hard and knock away all the underpinnings as well. If we could just trust God, who has built up the tower thus far, to gently lay the top block in place, our overbearing shove would not be necessary.

Contented

It would be odd if the thought of a new baby had not crossed my mind lately. Carolyn has just passed her first birthday, and with its passing people began to ask when she might have siblings. Also, several friends are deep in the throes of parenting joy, either having given birth in the past month, expecting to do so in the coming weeks, or traveling to get their newly-adopted kiddos. It's beautiful to see.

Listening to two new-made mothers-of-two delight in their doubled progeny, I keep searching for something I'm not feeling. When I finally put my finger on it, I realize that I'm not wistful. There's no anxious anticipation to be in their shoes, no impatience to "catch up," no envy. Funny, I think. It's not what I would have predicted. Certainly, we'd like another baby and pray that God holds that in store for us; it's not that we want no more. Certainly, we would be unequivocally thrilled if another baby were on the way now; it's not a concern with timing. Why not wistful for that peculiar happiness that comes with the anticipation and arrival of a new child?

I've been musing about this unexpected calm here and there, turning it about in my mind. The only answer I find is a simple contentment. There is so much bliss is watching our one little girl, so many moments of enjoyment with her budding personality--how can I be discontent? Just as my friends would be wrong to waste time bemoaning their now-divided attention, I would be wrong to waste this season bemoaning the singularity of my child. It is good to be grateful for the gifts of God in whatever season we find ourselves. And, though we must often purpose ourselves to be content, I am enormously grateful for the very station of being content. It is no less a grace and a blessing of God for being a state we may choose.

Lest you wonder, this is no rebuttal or response to anyone, merely observations of my musings. Just as I am gladdened by my friends' elation with their circumstances, I know they rejoice in my cheerful satisfaction with my own. May it be an encouragement to you in your own season! Praise God for the beauty and uniqueness of our lives!

The Day's Reading

. . .a worthwhile read at Doug Wilson's blog, with many snippets of wisdom punctuated by the occasional comic comment. I highly recommend it.

Oh, the Great, Great Love of Jesus

Do you believe God loves you?

Do you truly believe God loves you?

Does God put up with you, tolerate your whining, sigh at your continued sinfulness, while he regards you with the fondness one might have for a rowdy puppy?

Or does He love you?

On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:16-17

It's easy to have an image of God as generally looking down in disapproval for our many misdeeds--disapproval we surely merit. Yet that is not a Biblical image of God. He looks down on those under Christ's blood as righteous and rejoices over us. I think of how I enthuse over Carolyn, for no reason at all but that she is and I love her. Some days I am giddy with joy, just because she is here. That is love. And God loves you.

A Link

good thoughts on the wisdom of marrying young

Quote of the Day

I liked this quote I found at Femina:

Weak faith will as surely land the Christian in heaven as strong faith; but the weak, doubting Christian is not like to have so pleasant a voyage thither as another with strong faith. Though all in the ship come safe to shore, yet he that is all the way seasick hath not so comfortable a voyage as he that is strong and healthful.

William Gurnall, The Christian in Complete Armour

Thanks Be To God: a Miscellany

These past few days of near-constant pain and discomfort have brought some things to mind. Here are some things I'm thankful for:

• It's me, not my husband or daughter, in pain.
• Except for that first day, the pain has not been debilitating.
• This is not chronic. It will end.
• The doctors and nurses, without exception, have been supportive and creative in finding coping options that allow me to continue breastfeeding without serious risk.
• Aunt Rebecca came to clean my house in preparation for our guests.
• Brian & Anna have been here and have been a huge help.
• Brian is an excellent cook. And he cleans.
• Carolyn is such an easy-going, happy-go-lucky baby in whatever circumstance.
• Sleep has still been possible.
• The offers of help from various friends here have been abundant.
• Far from last or least, Kevin is such a patient and considerate husband.

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I was commenting to a friend last week that we never face the trials we think we could handle well. I know I've observed others' difficulties on occasion and thought that I could handle that problem so much better than the one I actually have. Chronic pain is not one of those. I can handle large amounts of temporary pain well. But chronic pain, however large or small--even "temporary chronic" pain such as I have now--nearly undoes me. I know a few people who live in chronic pain, in varying degrees of severity. Their grace and faith under such constant physical pressure amazes and humbles me.

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The headlines from the past week have seemed grim and grimmer to me. From my perspective, recent decisions and events bode ill for the security and welfare of our nation and the world. In this light, I am ever more grateful that
My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

For the Praise of His Glory

We missed Worship yesterday, but our pastor e-mailed his sermon notes out. The text is Ephesians 1:11-12. This statement stood out to me this morning:

"We can trust his plan and purpose and the means by which he gets it done."

Sharing Grace

The world of Reformed theology is still relatively new to me, and I am still awed by the idea (not new, but newly emphasized) of the enormity of God's grace toward me. In the September/October 2003 issue of Modern Reformation magazine (I rescued a number of old issues our pastor was cleaning out, for my edification), John Piper writes about the significance of the doctrine of justification by faith. Though in this quote he specifically references the marriage relationship, the idea applies anywhere:

But what if one or both partners becomes overwhlemed iwth the truth of justification by faith alone--and especially with the truth that in Christ Jesus God credits me, for Christ's sake, as fulfilling all of his expectations? What happens if this doctrine so masters our souls that we begin to bend it from the vertical to the horizontal and apply it to our marriages? . . .It is possible, for Christ's sake, simply to say, "I will no longer think merely in terms of whether my expectations are met in practice. I will, for Christ's sake, regard you the way God regards me--complete and accepted in Christ--and thus to be helped and blessed and nurtured and cherished, even if, in practice, you fail."

Quote of the Day

from Thomas Merton, via Wittingshire:

Ultimately the secret is perfect abandonment to the will of God in things you cannot control, and perfect obedience to Him in everything that depends on your own volition, so that in all things, in your interior life and in your outward works for God, you desire only one thing, which is the fulfillment of His will.

If you do this, your activity will share the disinterested peace that you are able to find at prayer, and in the simplicity of the things you do men will recognize your peacefulness and give glory to God...For the saint preaches sermons by the way he walks and the way he stands and the way he sits down and the way he picks things up and holds them in his hand.

There's not much to add here. The first sentence reminds me somewhat of what we know as the Serenity Prayer, which I've never been particularly fond of (purely for its popularity, I suspect). The last sentence, both by its structure and its content, is striking as well.

On Decisiveness

Here is a good post on making decisions--little and big--in faith and not spending the next week second-guessing them.

Where Could I Go?

It may not sound well-reasoned or carefully considered, but some days are like that. Not all days, mind you--and, in case you're worried, not today, at least in my world--but some days you hang on just because you don't know anything better to grab.
Today at WorldMagBlog, I liked this quote:

Jesus was aware that every step of the way His followers would be tempted to be disillusioned with Him and bail out. So one day, when people were abandoning Him in droves, He turned and asked twelve men still standing after the crowd had thinned, “Do you want to go away as well?” Peter spoke up for the rest of them: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:67,68). I don’t know the tone of voice when he said it. Was he feeling triumphant? Was he just hanging on by his fingernails?

I stick with God because in spite of this painful life, His Words are the most perfect I have found. Sometimes I say that with a smile, and sometimes with a sigh.

Enjoying Food

Although there has been a marked increase of late, we have always spent more of our budget than is strictly necessary on food, whether it's buying a slightly better brand from the grocery store shelf, getting as much produce as possible at the Farmer's Market, or enjoying a $4 12-ounce gourmet latte. Lately, between rising food costs and the new justification of "I'm pregnant; good food is important," our expenditures, especially related to produce, have risen.

I don't feel guilty about this.

When there is extra money, people spend it on what is important to them. It might be entertainment, expensive restaurants, vacations, or fashion. Eating well is important to me--not just eating healthily, but eating well. Enjoying the bounty we are provided with on a daily, on-going basis.

Could we survive with "lesser" purchases? Sure. Drinking store brand tea instead of Lipton would not be a hardship. But Kevin prefers Lipton. Buying regular skim milk (let alone store brand) instead of the most expensive organic brand would not kill me. But I am really grateful for the expensive organic brand that I can drink without forcing myself. I could prepare less expensive meals, even if they might be slightly less interesting or less colorful. But I enjoy cooking an aesthetically pleasing and tempting repast for our table.

Could we spend that extra money elsewhere? Sure. We could always increase our monthly principal deduction on the house payment. Or the car payment. We could put more in savings. We could go out to eat more often or plan weekend get-aways as often as we like.

It's a matter of priority. Recently, Douglas Wilson has been blogging about a redeemed approach to food, from gratefully receiving what you have to refraining from pharisaical rules about what should and should not be eaten. Below is a quote regarding spending on foodstuffs that I appreciated, along with the link to that particular post, followed by the link to the series of posts on the topic

Fourth, recognize that striving to improve in this way cannot be separated from the economic realities. Money is one of the factors in the trade-offs. If you choose to buy the best produce, for example, you are going to pay more for it. If you are paying top dollar for such things, then don't pretend you are doing something else. Recognize that you are comparatively rich, and that you are using your disposable income on luxuries. One of saddest features (or funniest, depending) of contemporary food snobbery is the notion that rich people are getting in touch with the rythyms of the earth when they shop at the Whole Foods market. Paying three times as much for a really good apple is a fine thing to do, so long as you know that you are doing it. But if you think that you are a humble creature of the soil because you are whooping it up on luxuries is one of the oddest things that I have ever seen in my life. I understand, to return to an earlier example, why people would come to the point where they would be willing to drop five bucks on a cup of coffee. Okay, I think. It's a free country and you obviously have a lot of money. And if you don't have a lot of money, or you haven't bought into the aesthetic coffee imperative, I understand staying with the older drop coffee. Great. Still a free country. But what I don't get is the idea of someone spending five dollars on a cup of coffee as a way of expressing solidarity with peasants the world over. Look, you're rich. Come to terms with it.

from Infinite at the Top post, part of the Creation and Food topical archives

A Gentle Reminder

A thought for the day from another blog.

Keeping the main thing, the main thing is so hard sometimes. You can try to impress Mom with your loving spirit and knock out your little sister while doing it. For my children, the problem is immaturity. For me, losing sight is from exhaustion. We all lose focus. No matter. I know I’m not the only one who is tired and forgetting about important things–people and my relationship with them. In the middle of it, you don’t have the perspective about what’s important that hindsight brings. You make decisions you wouldn’t have if you weren’t so tired. The heat of the moment—which can be a lot of moments strung together sometimes, a fog that won’t lift –is a testing ground, so choose well. Make the choice you would’ve wish you’d chosen if you were looking back. I’m talking about speaking kindly, being slow to anger, and preferring others above yourself.

Holiness

Here is a short post about marriage with which I whole-heartedly concur. We read this book in our Sunday School class in Tulsa and thought it worth keeping.

I would also add that this truth is applicable to life in general. The ladies at the shower on Sunday were asked to each share some bit of maternal wisdom, and there was a common theme that life is not perfect--not for us, not for our children. Those imperfections, even the pain and suffering that often accompanies them, are what God often uses as a means of sanctification in our lives, making us more like Him and more reliant on His grace. American Christianity indeed has a tendency to imply that God wants us to be happy and healthy, sometimes to the exclusion of the basic reality that God wants us to be holy. Holiness is, certainly, not necessarily opposite happiness and health--but it is often in the less happy and less healthy times that we learn true godliness.