I spent the first Easter of my married life driving through Arkansas with my husband. We intended to go to church. We found the address of a Lutheran church not far from where we were staying. We got up early and checked out early so we could attend. We arrived to discover that their Easter service had been at 7am, not the normal 10:45. Perhaps I should have foreseen that possibility, but. . .I'll plead my newness to the world of reformation. Evangelicals would NEVER have service that early.
So we did the only reasonable thing. . .headed for home while I read the Easter story aloud. We discussed communion and baptism and I-don't-know-what without coming to any conclusions, but were nonetheless thankful for God's grace in spite of our ignorance.
Then Monday and school. Have I mentioned that school is wearing on me? The ever-increasing desire to stay home and take care of our (messy and cluttered) home is seeping deeper and deeper into my bones. I keep thinking of one of the Elisabeth Eliott books, in which she talks about a couple she was counseling. The wife was complaining about her job, saying it was beneath her skill and educational levels. She was apparently trapped in it for her husband's sake. . .I don't remember the details too clearly. What I do remember is EE's response. She asked the wife why she was working. She reminded her that this was necessary for herself and her husband at that point in time. She asked her if she could work the job for her mate, not for herself or her career, until such a time as it was no longer needed.
I keep reminding myself that this is what I need to do for now. It is not forever, but it is my place for now. Truthfully, it hasn't been bad. I enjoy the kids and the teaching. It's when I come home and still have school work to do. . .on top of the housework and cooking I'm not getting done but really want to do. . .that I get impatient. It's not that I'm unhappy. I just can't do all the things I would like. . .but who can?
I must say that my 4th hour does not help any. There are some great kids in there who I really like, but there are others. . .and I don't know what to do. Today I am completely and totally exhausted. I was fine at 1:05. At 1:15 I started feeling anxious. By 1:45 I was hot and harried. By 2:20 I was slightly irritable. By 2:40 I was impatient and frustrated. Pretty normal for that class. If my day could only end after 3rd hour. . . . But it can't. There's one girl who laughs at me. Always. I instruct, she laughs. I discipline, she laughs. I answer a question, she laughs. Her insolence galls me. It makes me feel petty and childish. And I can't win. Mental exhaustion sets in amid the whining and the laughing, and I just hold on until the bell rings.
But enough of this. I must go and start dinner. Cooking is almost always therapeutic. . .as long as I don't burn my hand or chop my finger off. Then it's stressful. I shall endeavor to refrain from either tonight.