For Sell: One Sin Nature

. . .selectively active at inconvenient times, primarily when in positions of public responsibility. That is, unless expected, in which case primary activity reverts to moments of relative solitude.

I just typed this whole thing, and the computer lost it. I shall try again.

My certain key students in 4th hour were back today. I am perfectly aware that, by allowing my temper to rise, I am letting them win. I am perfectly aware that I am solely responsible for my actions. I am perfectly aware that the atmosphere and attitude of my classroom is largely controlled by my response to stimuli. I am also acutely, wistfully aware that it is much easier to be patient and cheerful and godly in the safety of my home and husband than in the face of these uncouth adolescents.

I would say that they bring out the worst in me, were I not suspicious that the very phrasing of that cliche in some way shirks personal responsibility. Of course, I'd like nothing better than to shirk that responsibility right now. Nothing, that is, except perhaps to wreak revenge. I suppose that would be unprofessional, though. I'm not sure what I would do, anyway. . .find some way of making them sit down and be quiet and participate in edifying activities maybe. I don't know what to do with them. I can't remonstrate--they argue back. I can't discipline--they laugh. I can't ignore--the noise level alone indicates that no learning is taking place. What does that leave?

I know that they will not and cannot change until my attitude changes. However, I don't want change. I want to win. I want to prove my dominance and shame them into obedience. How very primal.

Sold. Paid for and redeemed in Blood. Feel free to discard at any time.