Serious requests or no, an addendum to the popcorn post:
I used Canola oil, because that's what I buy. . .I think my grandparents buy the same, but I'm not sure.
Step 1: Pour just enough oil to cover the bottom of the pan. Be sure your pan is big enough to contain the popped corn, not just the pre-popped kernals. . .they have this tendency to expand.
Step 2: Heat over medium-high heat until the oil "dances." That is, until it's hot enough that you see waves in it and it moves of its own accord.
Step 3: Pour in 1/4 to 1/3 cup popcorn. Have the lid handy and cover immediately.
Step 4: Shake the pan vigorously on the burner, stopping for 2 second intervals to ascertain if it's still popping. Shaking is what keeps it from sticking and burning.
Step 5: When the popping subsides (note: Subside does not mean cease. When you only hear a couple isolated pops in a 2 second pause, it has subsided.), remove from the burner and empty immediately.
Step 6: Salt.
I repeatedly lift the lid on and off--just a smidgeon, to avoid escapees--as I shake and pause. I'm not really sure if this is essential or if I do it because Grandad does. :-)
Ha. Look at me give instructions like this is my life's carefully acquired skill. How many times have I done this? Yeah. . .that would be once. How quickly we falsely assume mastery. . . .